omg, i SO love Dave Navarro!

i usually read dave's blog daily, and just now read yesterday's post (named "Touche, Adrian!" from 12/29/05), and was reminded why i love him so much.. for one thing, he is SUPER HOT.. but he is also talented, and very funny..

and he also totally embraces who the fuck he is.. read this:

Normally, I wouldn't even comment on this story, but I do have the week off so fuck it! Unfortunately, I have to cut it short as I have a big day ahead of me: Gym, manicure and pedicure, a facial, the sale at Barney's, I have to pick up a new squeegee for the shower and I'm redoing the kitchen and bathroom so I have to go look at lighting fixtures. Plus, my stylist is coming up here to discuss next season's fashion trends. I just wish I knew where the whole "gay" thing comes from.

now i don't know if he is bi or not (i definitely know he isn't gay - look who he is married to, and also all the hot chicks he associates and flirts with), but in my mind, he IS bi..

works for me, cause i love bi guys.. oh dayyyyyum, i do.. there's just something about being so free to explore and experiment and enjoy that just really turns me on.. and to think of two hot guys (and me) having fun together just makes me wiggly!

'scuse me, i'm gonna daydream a while.....

Merry Christmas

i hope all of you have a wonderful, peaceful, funfilled, meaningful Christmas.. i will be with my wonderful children and my amazing boyfriend tonight as we go to my sister's house for dinner and celebration.. tomorrow morning will be spent at Doug's house for presnents and then tomorrow evening will be at my cousin's house for more food than anyone could handle..

i give thanks to God for all the people in my life: my dad; my sister and her kids; my friends secrit, chris, and dan; Doug's girlies who are so sweet to me; my kids who are my heartlight; and to the love of my life - my soulmate, Doug..

i could not live without love, and these people give me more love than i deserve..

i miss you mom, and hope you are celebrating and happy - drinking your coffee, singing christmas carols, and making a killer festive dinner.. wait for me because i will see you again.. i can't wait to just sit down and talk with you..

peace to all

go ahead..

ask me if i even f*ckin give a sh*t anymore....

thursday's verse

sing with me a little holiday ditty, won't you?

---------

It’s the most horniest time of the year
With the glands all a-swelling
And my boyfriend a-telling me
He'll do my rearrrrrrrrr
It’s the most horniest time of the year

It’s the kink-kinkiest season of all
With those S&M beatings
And great happy endings
When friends come to ballllllll
It’s the kink-kinkiest season of all

There’ll be parties for gang-banging
Big cocks will be dangling
And guys lined up for to blow
There’ll be a scary leather harness
Cat-o-nine-tails doing their darnedness
To make me a masochistic pro

It’s the most naughtiest time of the year
There’ll be much penetrating
And bods will be gyrating
When chimpies are nearrrrrrrrrr
It’s the most naughtiest time of the year

It's the most horniest time,
Oh the most kinkiest time,
Yes, the most naughtiest time of the year!


----------

lawd, i'm going to hell....

ride 'im, deadgirl!

and ride him hard...

AHHHH... a very dirge-y christmas...

love it.. mean it

A Politically Correct Holiday Greeting

SEASONS GREETINGS

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best
wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible,
low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the
winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable
traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular
practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular
persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to
practice religious or secular traditions at all . . .

. . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and
medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally
accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the
calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to
society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America
is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only
"AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the
race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice
of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This
greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It
implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the
wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by
law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This
wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual
application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the
issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first,
and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of
a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

a heartwarming tale for Christmas...

As the dialogue in "Home Alone" goes: "This is *Christmas*. The season of perpetual hope. And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike. If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son."

well i didn't leave my cute little son at home alone while jaunting off to gay paris.. but i am in a way trying to get back home to ward off thieves..

i have a little Christmas story to tell you.. sit down by the fireplace and get all cozy comfy; bring a hot mug of hot chocolate and settle in.. bring a blanket.. this is one of those scary Christmas tales, my children - and i caution you each to be very afraid, because what happened to our protagonist in this yuletide tale could very well happen to you....

this past thursday as i was getting ready to leave my office, i decided to check my bank balance.. being a single mom who is about to lose managing custody of my son (which also will take away $800.00 a month in child support), i have found myself in not only deep emotional turmoil over losing my son, but incredible financial distress as well, so i thought it best to keep on top of what little money i do have..

imagine my surprise when i saw my balance was WAY OFF - to the tune of now having MINUS $150.00 ... i noticed two charges in my account that i had not made - one is a $200 charge to Sprint PCS, and the other is a $500 charge to Verizon Wireless.. i don't have an account with either of these companies, nor had i made any purchases from them..

i immediately called the phone number on the back of my bank card, issued by Wells Fargo.. and they told me there was nothing they could do except to mail me some forms which would arrive in 3-5 days.. and then i am to sign them, return them, and then a couple of days later, they will investigate the fraudulent charges.. and then hopefully MY money ($700..... argggggggg) would be credited back to me..

thanks a pant load..

meantime - i am BROKE.. and i don't get paid til this friday.. no groceries, no gas.. and definitely no more christmas presnents (jes, i always misspell it) for anyone that i haven't already bought for.. fortunately, my son is out of town this week with his (**COUGH COUGH**) dad, so i don't have to worry about food..

Merry Christmas..

ok.. so on friday, i looked at my account again.. and lo and behold - there was the $500 put back in!! the $200 was still pending, but at least i was in the positive.. i was a happy little girl, for sure..

silly me - i paid a bill saturday morning online without looking at my bank balance - cause guess what?? the $500 was GONE again! and of course, the $200 was still pending - but NOW what was originally dated 12/15 was now dated 12/19 (today's date).. and again, i am at minus $150.00....

huh? wha?

so Doug and i decided to go to my bank and confront them in person.. perhaps get some answers and help.. you know, customer service..

right..

the people working there at Wells Fargo are nothing but mouthpieces for coporate BS.. all they could say was that they understand, but there was nothing they could do to return my money.. despite the fact that their lobby is LINED with FBI warnings, and assurances that the bank protects its customers from fraud.. HA!

to top it all off - i had what is probably my last child support check, and the 1st MORON told me to go through the teller line, and ask them to cash the check, and then deposit into my account (because a deposit from a check takes 2 days to hit my account) so that i would have a positive balance.. so we went through the line, and the teller told us he just can't do that for me... and WHY you ask?????

go ahead, ask why, dear children.. mama will continue her glorious Christmas story --

because my account was in the NEGATIVE!!!!!!!!!!

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

sure, they can deposit it.. but it will be tuesday before it hits my balance.. i ask why the F the 1st woman told me they could cash it and deposit it.. and they say she is just a personal banker, and doesn't know the rules..

all this time, mind you, i am asking for a supervisor - for someone in charge - and they tell me that there is no super working that day.. when i ask them to call the super, they say they can't do that.. and of course, there is no one there with any authority at all to help me..

so it takes Doug yelling so that all the other VICTIMS of Wells Fargo who are waiting in line to hear that they too could have their money STOLEN and not having any protection from their bank.. and it takes reducing me to SOBBING TEARS, pleading for mercy and help.. before they say they will give me $100 from my child support check i am depositing so i can buy some gas and maybe a little food..

of course they ask for 2 forms of ID.. i have one - my driver's license, but the idiot personal banker took my ATM card since they had to close that account.. and the stupid teller just can't get over the fact that i just now have one form of ID.. i keep telling him that the woman standing TWO PEOPLE away from him has my ATM card, but he is a moron of KING KONG proportions.. finally he asks if i have my social security card as ID, and yeah, i do.. so woopdiedoooooooo, i get $100.00 of my own money..

again, Doug is almonst screaming, and i am bawling like a beaten child.. and i am sure we made a great scene, but damn it - these people just do not care one single bit.. they would not call their supervisor; they wouldn't cash a government issued child support check in order to deposit MONEY into my account; they tried to HUSH my Man who was only looking out for my well being as well as my RIGHTS..

he has written about this on his blog - you can read it under the post called
The Wells Fargo rollercoaster ...

so where are we now in this spine-tingling, spooky story?

back to "Home Alone" -- "I have been awake for almost 60 hours. I'm tired and I'm dirty. I have been from Wells Fargo 800 number to Verizon to Sprint to Wells Fargo bank branch to Paris to Dallas to... where the hell am I? NOWHERE.. I am trying to get home to my eight-year-old son. And now that I'm this close, you're telling me it's hopeless?"

maybe not.. maybe Santy Claus has some answers and resolution.. i just hope none of you, my dear children, do business with the grinchly Wells Fargo..

what i wouldn't do to have little Kevin McCallister on my side so he could set up his arsenal of army men and booby traps to take 'em down!

Keep the change ya filthy animal!

Christmas Songs For The Mentally Disturbed

see yourself in any of these?? i can probably relate to two or three or seven:



SCHIZOPHRENIA
Do you Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER
We Three Kings Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA
I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas

NARCISSISM
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

MANIC DISORDER
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and
Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire
Hydrants and.....

PARANOIA
Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you
Why.

DEPRESSION
Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock ........
....(better start again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it
all away).

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

thursday's verse

David Letterman's Top Ten Signs Santa Hates You



10. He eats milk and cookies -- and nails your wife

9. Every naughty thing you did this year was videotaped and
posted on the Internet

8. On Christmas morning, your stocking stuffed with a severed leg

7. Only "gift" you received was left by Blitzen on your living
room carpet

6. Instead of, "Ho, Ho, Ho," greets you with, "Nice sweater, fat
ass"

5. Leaves mysterious letter, "I know when you are sleeping, I
know how to kill a man without leaving any marks"

4. You get no presents -- when you bump into him later, he gives
you lame, "I thought you were Jewish" excuse

3. Brings you one copy of every Kathie Lee CD

2. Turns his reindeer loose on you

....and the number one sign that Santa Hates You:

1. Writes "Merry Christmas" in the snow on the roof

any lesbians out there?

; )

bisexual girls?

--

(just feeling blue right now.. very blue.. very very very very very very very very very blue.. so blue that i have faded into violet)

--

BLAH HUMBUG


--

tol'ja i am a full-on gemini.. don't say i didn't warn ya, faithful readers..

sittin by the fire

my wonderful Man made me a fire this week.. we were home on wednesday, and while he was workin in the other room, i sat by the fire and went travelin..

--------

the flames took me back to christmases past, growing up at my house, with my parents and my sister.. you see, dad always made a fire at christmastime.. in fact, he made a fire just bout anytime it was even a little chilly outside.. i live in dallas, and we don't get too many cold days, so it was always a treat when dad made a fire for us.. we would all sit near the fire and talk, or watch tv, or snooze.. it was a place for us to gather and be near one another.. to remind us that we are a family, and that there really is a safe place in the world, and that place was HOME..

this week though while sitting by the fire, i went back to the last christmas mom was with me..

memories of mom flooded my brain, and i realized my mom was a character - probably where i got a lot of my.. um, how shall i say it nicely?.. my "uniqueness"... yes, that's the word..

my mom never met a stranger.. she never discriminated.. she always saw the good in people.. she was talented, smart, loyal, loving - all the "mom" things... but she was also very funny.. sometimes without even meaning to be! her mom-isms were priceless:

mom at a beach boys/chicago concert circa 1973: "what's that funny smell??" REALLY LOUD as the people smoking pot next to us smiled..

mom at the christmas tree lot: "i like that GREEN one over there!"

how she called the center of the road the "media"

and how she thought playboy magazine was "phonographic" material

our last christmas was like every other christmas - mom's house decked-the-halls out in every room.. lights, trees (5 of them, no lie), holly, candles, christmas figures, food food food, music .. and the fire..

mom had been preparing for christmas eve since the day after thanksgiving when she would instruct my dad to get out all the stuff.. they would spend all day decorating.. and wow! their house was gorgeous.. mom had a special touch, and the house was so warm and festive..

she and dad would make candy and cookies and fudge and pies.. there would be christmas goodies for at least 2 weeks prior to the big day, and we never got tired of tasting the treats she made..

christmas eve was always special.. she would make cheese soup and wassal.. we would also have shrimp, ham, tamales.. it doesn't sound like it all goes well together, but believe me, it did.. we would open presnents (yes, i misspelled it - WAH!) and sing at the piano.. dad would read "the night before christmas" and one of the kids would read the christmas story from the book of Luke in the Bible..

christmas day was when we really tasted mom's good cooking.. she made turkey and dressing (the best in Texas!), sweet potatoes, salads, desserts.. teri and i would bring green bean casserole, corn, rutabagas, pickles and other condiments.. and too much else to mention.. it was truly a feast that we shared with each other..

but mom's last christmas - christmas 2001 - was just a little different.. on the outside view, it looked the same - all the same great food, the fire, the happiness and warmth, the decorations, the music.. but i will never forget what my mom told me that christmas eve after we had eaten and opened presnents (get over it), and she and i were cleaning up in the kitchen.. she looked at me and said, "traci, i don't think i can do this again" ... and silly, stupid, unknowing me; me, who thought moms lived forever, said: "oh mom, sure you can" ..

so selfish.. so sure that mom was just a little tired, and that by golly by gum, next year would come and it would be the same as it always had been..

how wrong could i have been? how blind?

looking back, i see it now.. i see her holding her hip when she would get up off the couch.. i see her wince.. i hear her deep breaths she would take when she wasn't even exerting any energy.. i see her slow down.. i see a sad face now and then when she didn't think anyone was looking..

and i see me just going on with my life like it was all ok..

february, 2002: mom is diagnosed with cancer.. my life (ok, i am selfish again) changes forever..

again, i live my life like mom will be with me here on earth always.. i see her every sunday.. we laugh, we shop, we go see paul mccartney and scream and cry like teenagers, we eat, we go to movies, we love on the kids.. all the stuff we would normally do..

even when she started chemo, i was certain she would beat cancer.. when she started radiation, i started worrying.. and when she fell one night in september, 2002, and her femur SNAPPED just from standing up from her bed, i became terrified.. in the hospital, after her surgery, while she was in ICU, i was still in la-la land, and still believed she would come home..

deep down, though, i really didn't believe that.. something in me KNEW she would die there..

and she did..

----------

----------

all this went through my head on wednesday while sitting by the fire.. the memories: the good, the bad, the terrible - all in the fire.. i was only snapped out of it when my Man came into the room and turned on the tv suddenly.. he was wondering why i was sitting there alone, so quiet..

SNAP! where am i? oh yeah, here.. now.. mom is gone.. the fire is here, now.. Doug is here, now.. my kids are too.. so are dad and teri..

christmastime to me now is a memory of that last christmas with mom, so sometimes this season is a sad one for me.. have i learned anything from that short conversation mom and i had? i hope so.. i hope i am less selfish now, and don't take for granted the people in my life, and the time we have now, together..

i must cling to hope, and to my loved ones, and to christmas.. only look back with love and good memories, not with shame, guilt, and sadness:

The Heart May Freeze Or It Can Burn
The Pain Will Ease If I Can Learn

There Is No Future
There Is No Past
I Live This Moment
As My Last

There's Only Us
There's Only This
Forget Regret
Or Life Is Yours To Miss
No Other Road
No Other Way
No Day But Today

----------

one last note on the fire: my son was over with me at Doug's the other night, and again, my Love built a fire.. we were all talking, getting ready to watch some tv, and my 15-year old went over to the fireplace, and sat down on the hearth.. he spoke, and recalled sitting by the fire at Maw's house (my mom), and asked if i remembered the fire..

what a legacy my parents have left.. what beautiful memories they have given for my children and for me, too.. christmas memories, fireplace memories, life, death - all for me to cherish and hold dear..

thank you for the fire...

bottom of the barrel

i'm broke...

no, it's not the first time since i've been out on my own since the divorce that i have scraped the bottom of the ol' bank account, but i have the feeling this one is a-gonna hurt..

you see, it's the 1st occurrence of the "no child support" era of my post-divorce, pre-son-leaving life.. suddenly i am $800 per month poorer..

i really didn't think it was gonna hit this month; thought it would be next month when the checks stopped coming..

WRONG

my son will be moving out soon, so he won't be hurt, of course, by this abrupt end to what was the rent money.. but i am..

before you start thinking that the only reason i am writing this is because i am gonna miss the money, think again.. i am gonna miss my son desperately.. he is 15, a sophomore in high school.. he's a good kid.. moody like most teens, but really a good kid.. makes good grades.. plays percussion.. funny.. bright.. everything a mom could want in a son.. i am gonna miss his smile, his face, his laughter, his eyes.. i will see him every other weekend.. hopefully more..

his dad will provide better for him financially.. things will be ok for my son financially now..

i just don't know what to do myself.. i hate being the age i am and facing this.. i should be making more at my job.. i should have more of a handle on my money.. but right now, i don't..

and it is gonna bite me big time in about 2-3 days when the rent check bounces.. and i have no funds to cover it..

i just saw the movie "rent" last week, and i can totally relate to the lyrics "how are we gonna pay last year's rent?" - how the hell am i gonna make it?? don't know..

help?

thursday's verse

Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross
To see a fine lady 'neath a white horse.
Huge dick in her fingers makes him cum on her nose,
She shall have Mr. Ed singing wherever she goes.


ohhhhhhhhh nasty nasty... it's cause you made me talk about the "dog sex" 1st time we met... LMAOOOOOO!!!!!!!