one more for the road..

last night was the start of the end.. it was my youngest son's first football game of his senior year in high school.. he is on the bass line for SHS..

there's about a million mixed emotions i have about it.. i am surprised that he (i) can be old enough to be beginning a final year in high school.. i am sad cause used to be there would be lots of family and friends around me at the games, and now it's not like that.. i am excited to see chris perform - he is the bass line section leader, and so talented.. i am reminiscent of days gone by when my older son marched, and it makes me feel a sense of loss because i hardly ever see him anymore.. i feel pain because my mom should be sitting with me at the game, and she isn't.. but mostly i feel pride when i see my son working so hard to be the best he can be, and then when i see the fruits of all his labors, i am full of love for him..

last night, sitting in the mckinney isd stadium, surrounded by hundreds of fans, i realized how alone i was there.. i miss my mom at these events.. she would go to every single one of my kids' games, along with my dad.. every one.. and we would sit together, never watching the football, mind you - just the band.. but sitting there talking about our week, laughing, eating peanuts or popcorn, being best friends..

since she died on sept 16 2002, i have basically gone to my kids' events alone.. there are times when family comes out, for sure.. but i know everyone has their own stuff going, and i know it's hard to make it to every event.. i just miss the times when there were people with me there all the time - my parents, friends (parents of my sons' friends), my younger son with me in the stands..

my parents were such a huge part of football season, and although my dad will probably come to a few of the games, it isn't the same.. he usually complains the whole time he is there, and it sorta makes it stressful for me.. but it's mom i miss most.. my girl.. my friend.. my mom..

last night, when i left after half time, i was so proud of my son (like always, really).. and it made me feel good for him, because he has so many friends, and he has so much ahead of him - he is at a beginning.. he is a bright son, and i couldn't ask for more in a kiddo.. he has grown up so much since mom died, and he has gotten so much stronger, and more determined than ever to make himself into what he wants to be as a man.. that's good..

it's good, too, that there are still many, many games ahead.. and i still have those ahead of me.. i really don't wanna see marching season go away.. been doing it since josh was in middle school (and he is 22 now)... but i am taking lots of pics, and thank goodness my son is so good about ol' mom hanging around taking pics.. and i have my memories of days gone by being surrounded at the games with laughter and support.. and i know there will be games when i am not alone, too.. and that's a good thing..

next week, they play in frisco.. then in a couple of weeks, the normal season starts, and they will be back in the garland area.. to the stadiums i have spent years going to.. and it will be exciting to see their show improve and form into an award-winning half time.. i will be proud to be there every week.. full of memories, and full of hope for the future..

go mustangs!

go kiddo!