thief, ditto

i found this fun list on a cool blog called Under The Undies... she had lifted it from someone else, so i thought i would be a copy-cat and do the same... here it is:

Things I have done in my lifetime, as of today:
(x) Smoked a joint
( ) Been in a wet t-shirt contest
( ) Crashed a car
( ) Stolen a car
(x) Been in love
(x) Had a threesome (and some... bad girl)
(x) Been dumped
(x) Shoplifted (Batman 3-D glasses when i was a kid)
( ) Been fired
( ) Been in a fist fight (i HAVE done that stupid slappy-girl-quasi-fight-thing though)
(x) Snuck out of the house (actually, i have snuck back INTO the house.. does that count?)
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) Been arrested
(x) Made out with a stranger
(x) Gone on a blind date
(x) Lied to a friend
(x) Had a crush on a teacher
(x) Been to Europe
(x) Skipped school (even told my teacher i was gonna... some rebel i was!)
(x) Seen someone die (my sweet Mom on 9/16/02, begging her the whole time to stay with me)
(x) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico (de los muertos)
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show (prolly 30 times at least)
( ) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been skiing (water.. and i SUCKED)
(x) Met someone from the internet in person (and so in love with him)
( ) Been moshing at a concert
(x) Been in an abusive relationship
(x) Taken painkillers (in almost every orifice, too)
(x) Love someone or miss someone right now
(x) Lay and watch cloud shapes go by
(x) Made a snow angel
(x) Had a tea party (used to make "tea" from leaves and water when i was a little girl)
(x) Flown a kite
(x) Built a sand castle
( ) Gone puddle jumping
(x) Played dress up (and still do)
(x) Jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) Gone sledding
(x) Cheated while playing a game
(x) Been lonely
(x) Fallen asleep at work/school (it's all that late night sex!)
( ) Used a fake ID
(x) Watched the sunset
( ) Felt an earthquake
(x) Touched a snake (both kinds: reptile and trouser)
(x) Slept beneath the stars
(x) Been tickled
(x) Been robbed (when i was a young girl at an easter egg hunt - a little turd boy stole a prize egg from my basket - the prize was a RABBIT!! i am still pissed off at him)
(x) Been misunderstood
(x) Pet a reindeer/goat
(x) Won a contest/race
(x) Run a red light
( ) Been suspended from school
(x) Been in a car accident
(x) Had braces
(x) Felt like an outcast
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Had deja vu
(x) Had deja vu
( ) Danced in the moonlight
(x) Hated the way I look
(x) Witnessed a crime (courtney love at pam anderson's roast)
(x) Pole danced (lol... too easy to make a joke bout this one)
(x) Been obsessed with post-it notes (every day at work.. ugh)
(x) Walked barefoot through the mud
(x) Been lost
( ) Been to the opposite side of the world
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
( ) Recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) Sung karaoke (every other saturday)
(x) Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) Made prank phone calls when you were younger
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced naked in the rain (hope to!)
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
( ) Had a bonfire on the beach
( ) Crashed a party
(x) Gone rollerblading
(x) Had a wish come true
(x) Worn pearls (love a pearl necklace!)
( ) Jumped off a bridge
( ) Screamed the word penis in public (haven't, but oh god, but i want to!!!!)
( ) Ate dog/cat food
( ) Told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) Kissed a mirror
(x) Sang in the shower
(x) Owned a little black dress
( ) Had a dream that you married someone else
(x) Glued your hand to something
( ) Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) Kissed a fish
(x) Worn the opposite sex's clothes
( ) Been a cheerleader
( ) Sat on a roof top
(x) Screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) Done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) Stayed up all night
( ) Didn't take a shower for a week
( ) Picked and ate an apple right off the tree (i have done so with strawberries)
(x) Climbed a tree
( ) Had a tree house (and ran away to it often)
(x) Am NOT scared to watch scary movies
(x) Believe in ghosts
(x) Have more than 30 pairs of shoes
(x) Worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) Gone streaking
(x) Played chicken
(x) Been skinny dipping
(x) Been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on (and then went to the hospital cause my leg hit the side of the pool - still have the scar 30 yrs later)
(x) Been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger
(x) Broken a bone (my baby toe)
(x) Been easily amused
( ) Caught a fish then ate it
(x) Caught a butterfly
(x) Laughed so hard you cried
(x) Cried so hard you laughed
(x) Mooned/flashed someone (i flash as much as i can! most recent public flashing was 10 days ago at karaoke)
(x) Had someone moon/flash you
(x) Cheated on a test
(x) Forgotten someone's name (all the time)
(x) Slept naked (every night)
(x) French braided someone's hair
( ) Grown a beard (not recently, anyway!)


too fun!!

the killing kiss

i read today of a 15 year old girl who was fatally kissed by her beau.. it really is a sad story - she was allergic to peanuts, and her boyfriend had eaten a peanut butter snack before the Kiss o'Death (K.o'D.).

i got to thinking about how i figuratively die every time my Man kisses me, and how i am so glad that i am not in reality allergic to either tequila or rum.. or chipotle..

or um... ME.. lol..

sorry, honey - had to.. mean it..

imagine...

imagine finally getting your life together - new life with a wonderful man, kids are doing good in school and seem to be sane, steady job, finally getting the bankruptcy over with, living in a good part of town in a nice place, friends at karaoke, laughs, smiles, sex.. everything going pretty damn good.. finally getting the shit all together.. then..

imagine coming home last friday after working your ass off - excited cause it's the weekend without the kids, ready to have some fun, some alone time with the one you love.. and finding what very may be the financial and emotional ruin of years to come..

imagine seeing an envelope sitting on your computer - left there by the ex, delivered by the youngest son (15yrs).. it's a typed-written note from satan, saying he is taking the son permanently, and that the mom doesn't have the money to fight him.. attached are legal documents already drawn up and signed.. signed by the SON..

imagine this being done not because of true love and concern for the son - but for monetary reasons.. when the son goes to live with satan, then of course he won't be paying child support anymore.. immediately satan is $800 a month richer..

imagine manipulating the son into thinking this is for his benefit - enticing (bribing) the son with promises of a better life (more money).. telling the son that when he moves in with dear-ol-satan that he will have money and a car..

imagine the son buying all this - and putting his mom on the street.. you see, the mom has been trying to build a life for the son and her.. sure, she is dirt poor.. she doesn't make a ton of money, and the child support is a necessity for them to make it.. and they were making it.. finally.. how many times did the mom tell the son that it's just him and her? that it's US.. and he would smile and feel safe and loved..

imagine seeing him go anyway - his reasons? he says he wants a change of scenery, and yeah, having money will be nice.. beyond that - nothing.. no other reasons..

imagine a dagger in a mom's heart - see the mom spinning and spiraling, realizing that the days are numbered (satan has given her 2 weeks).. wondering how it might be to live in a car.. dreading having to tell her dad who will for sure look at her with eyes that say: "failure".. having no options but to be dependent on the one person who will for sure drive the mom to breakdown..

imagine a world where your kids choose money over love - almost to the brink, the mom is just wanting to say "fuck it".. and just be lost forever.. how did she raise a son who would make this choice? surely she did something wrong to have raised a son to be so thoughtless and selfish.. the son and her had a solid life going - no more..

imagine it being thanksgiving - wondering how to smile today in front of distant, marriage-related family.. blah.. bah humbug..

Smile, make them think you're happy
Lie, and say that things are fine.
And hide that empty longing that you feel
Don't ever show it, just keep your heart concealed.

Why are the days so lonely?
I wonder where, where can a heart go free?
And who will dry the tears that no one sees?
There must be someone to share your silent dreams.

imagine just getting through the day - hoping tonight will be better.. that tomorrow will bring solutions.. praying to God that there is some saving of all this.. that it won't all just go down the toilet.. that the mom can hang on.. that there will be light..

imagine being thankful anyway for the son - loving him, hurting for him, wanting him here.. praying he will make wise choices in the future..

imagine this being my life right now..

thursday's verse

just in time for Thanksgiving - not really a "verse", but fun all the same...


Top Twenty Things that Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but Aren't...

20. "Just reach in and grab the giblets."

19. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"

18. "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"

17. "Don't play with your meat."

16. "Just spread the legs open and stuff it in."

15. "Do you really think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"

14. "You still have a little bit on your chin."

13. "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."

12. "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"

11. "How long will it take after you stick it in?"

10. "You'll know it's ready when it pops up."

9. "Just lay back and take it easy...I'll do the rest."

8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat!"

7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."

6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"

5. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"

4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to
hold her down."

3. "It's cool whip time!"

2. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"


. . . and the number one thing that sounds dirty at
Thanksgiving but isn't . .

1. "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"

feel-good sentiment for today:

i fucking HATE my ex-husband


(that's all for today, folks)

pucker up for me, Dave

oh what i wouldn't give to be at the end of that kiss for just about 6 hours!! some blow-up girls have all the luck!

Bi Watch

ok.. so i have been having NO LUCK at all getting to have any fun with a girl who is bisexual... arg.. NONE..

tonight was no different - although i did get a bit closer...

Doug and i were just doing things around his apartment tonight, and i got online on yahoo, and saw a friend who we had met at a swinger's party online as well.. so i said hi.. and she and i began chatting.. we chatted about this and that.. and before long, we were talking about sex.. and oh my goooooooodness, we talked about everything.. she has a lot of the same fantasies as i do, so i was getting very wiggly in my seat :)

we chatted for a while, and i was so hoping things might work out for Doug and i to have some fun with her, but alas, it didn't work out for us tonight..

maybe soon? i will keep you posted, dear readers..

a thanksgiving tale

For most people, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on what we've been
given and savor the scents of crisp autumn days and pumpkin pie.

For me, it's a little more complicated.

One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her
up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back
seat.

"What did you do today?" I asked. She couldn't wait to tell me.

"We learned that boys are different from girls," she chirped.

Looking into the rearview mirror, I could just see the top of her head.

"My teacher told us that boys have a thing the girls don't," she added.

"Well, yes they do.." I said cautiously.

I couldn't think of anything else to say, so we were quiet for a moment.
Then she piped up again. "That's how girls know that boys are boys," she
said. "They see that thing that hangs down and they know that he is a
boy"

I mentally calculated the distance home. Our five-minute commute already
felt like an hour.

"Did you know that when the boys see a girl they puff up?"

My palms were beginning to sweat. "Um...well..."

I was still searching for something new to say, to change the subject,
when she asked, "Why do the girls like the boys to have those things?"

Well I didn't know what to say. I mean, what woman hasn't asked herself
that question at least once?

"Oh, well...um..." I stammered.

She didn't wait for my answer. She had her own. "It's cause it moves when
they walk and then the girls see that and that's when they know they are
boys and that's when they like them. Then the boy sees the girl and he
puffs up, and then the girl knows he likes her, too. And then they get
married. And then they get cooked."

That last part confused me a bit, but on the whole I thought she had a
pretty good grasp on things.

As soon as we got home and I pulled into the garage, she hopped out of
the car, fishing something out of her school bag.

"I drew a picture," she said. "Do you want to see?"

I wasn't sure I did, but I looked at it anyway. I had to sit down.

There, all puffed up so to speak, looking mighty attractive for the
ladies, was a crayon drawing of a great big Tom Turkey. His snood, the
thing that hangs down over his beak, the thing that female turkeys find
so irresistible, was magnificent. His tail feathers were standing tall
and proud.

She was a little offended that I laughed so hard at her drawing, and I
laughed until I cried. But when I told her I loved it - and I did - she
got over her pique.

That was the end of that, for her anyway. But I'm not so lucky.

Every year I remember that conversation.

And to be honest, I haven't looked at a turkey, or a man, the same way
since.

kitty licks

wishing.....

thursday's verse

this is because i'm so horny for a girl:

love them in leather
love them in lace
love them even better when they sit on my face


mmmmmmmmm!!!!

for you, honey:

it's 11:11 on 11/11 !!!

hidden meaning?

this was sent to me by one of the gals i do huge groups of travel for at work.. she had emailed me yesterday asking how i was holding up cause she knows i'm alone this week and the workload is crazilicious, and i responded today saying i'm ok but glad it's friday.. here's what she wrote back:



"Glad to hear you're hanging in there. :)

TGIF, indeed. Here's to a good weekend! I'll think of you when I'm licking the salt off the rim of my margarita glass tonight. :) "



oh lordy, how do i respond to that and keep my job??



i swear, my mind is ALWAYS in the gutter.. hahahaha

thursday's verse

dear readers,

i missed last thursday's verse because i am so crazy busy at work.. i am still going bonkers here and haven't had time to think up a naughty one for you today, so i have taken the lazy way out, and posting a few pre-written verses i found for you to enjoy -- i will be better next week... maybe...


***
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two hunks of bread.


***
Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you dickhead.


***
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
said "Screw the sucker, he's only an egg."


***
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ass
and turned it's wool to nylon

yes, please

um, dave, uh... could you turn around for a sec pleeeeeease? enquiring minds GOTTA know..

YUM!

the gift

would i be pleasing to you like this, Sir? if i were to kneel before you, totally under your domination and control.. in Your hands.. in Your mind.. in Your heart.. so compliant and submissive.. waiting and waiting for Your decision.. what is my fate? does the cat purr or hiss? does it even matter? isn't it You who decides, and delivers?

YES.. it is.. i accept my fate, my life, my pleasure, my pain.. because all is given by You.. and it can only be good, because it comes from You.. i live and breathe by Your word and control.. even pain is a gift, if given by You.. i kneel even now, waiting on You.. please, Sir, make it sure, make it real, make it fire, make it ice.. the gift of my submission equals the gift of Your Dominance.. the dance has begun... thank you, my Master..

i'm moving......

... and singing a new interpretation of John Denver's classic hit "Rocky Mountain High"... why, you ask?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051102/ap_on_el_st_lo/denver_marijuana

Bi Watch

ok so this past saturday, Doug and i went to karaoke, but this time took 2 of our teens (it was our weekend with the kids).. we were really only gonna stay an hour or two so that the 4 of us could sing once, and have some fun family time (yes, in a bar.. i'm a bad mother; sue me).. we got there right before the karaoke started, and got a great table, put in our song requests, and started the evening..

because there were so many people wanting to sing, it took a while to get to our turn, and the first round singing for all of us was so fun and the kids sang so well, that everyone wanted to sing again.. there was also a costume contest going on that night because of halloween, and since we were all decked out, we wanted to be included in the contest.. so we hung out a little longer, and of course, before you know it, we were just about closing the place down..

so much for the little sign saying all minors have to leave by 930pm..

OOPS..

so anywho, that's the background for why we were at karaoke on our kids' weekend.. usually, Doug and i go alone every other saturday when we don't have kiddos..

wouldn't you know it.. it was another night when a girl was interested in me.. arg..

there was a hot girl with her husband all dressed up in a short skirt and cape with some very sexy red fetish boots (i had my black sexy fetish boots on so we 'bout matched).. after i sang, she stopped me as i passed by their table and just went on and on and onnnnnnn about how i should be singing opera somewhere.. ok, whatever..

they were sitting at the table right next to our party, so she would come over, and i would go over there every now and then.. one time i went over there, when i sat down next to her, she sorta mauled at my tits.. somewhat squeezing them and playing a bit (of course as usual, i had a bit'o'cleavage going).. yes, i liked that a lot.. and as we talked, i asked what all she liked to do for fun.. usually, the answer you get from that question tells you whether or not to pursue something sexual.. so when she answered "i like to golf", i thought "well damn".. but then she said "and also, i like to masturbate"... DING DING DING! JACKPOT!!

we continued talking and she and i had our heads together talking about naughty things, and then we kissed.. yes, tongues and lips.. mmmmmm.. but then i remembered.. YIKES.. kids are here.. argggggggggggggggggggggggg-ola! so i told her i needed to show a tad of restraint, so i went back over to my table where Doug immediately started asking what happened???? cause he had seen her grab my tits.. so he was very interested in any developments..

after a while, i went to the bathroom (always a fun place at that bar).. cause i knew she was in there.. and she was talking to another girl, asking her if she was a lesbian.. then she and that girl were hugging.. um.. hellooooooooo..

LOL

anywayyyyyy... needless to say, Doug and i didn't get any fun girl action, but i got a horribly drunken scribble of an email address.. which i can't read now.. so, i will be on the lookout next time we go to karaoke (this coming saturday.. woo hoooo!!)..

who knows.. someday we might get lucky..

i'm sorry, but i love pussy.. and i am so very horny to play with a girl with my Man.. i could go on and on about everything i would like to do, but i will behave..

for now..