imagine...

imagine finally getting your life together - new life with a wonderful man, kids are doing good in school and seem to be sane, steady job, finally getting the bankruptcy over with, living in a good part of town in a nice place, friends at karaoke, laughs, smiles, sex.. everything going pretty damn good.. finally getting the shit all together.. then..

imagine coming home last friday after working your ass off - excited cause it's the weekend without the kids, ready to have some fun, some alone time with the one you love.. and finding what very may be the financial and emotional ruin of years to come..

imagine seeing an envelope sitting on your computer - left there by the ex, delivered by the youngest son (15yrs).. it's a typed-written note from satan, saying he is taking the son permanently, and that the mom doesn't have the money to fight him.. attached are legal documents already drawn up and signed.. signed by the SON..

imagine this being done not because of true love and concern for the son - but for monetary reasons.. when the son goes to live with satan, then of course he won't be paying child support anymore.. immediately satan is $800 a month richer..

imagine manipulating the son into thinking this is for his benefit - enticing (bribing) the son with promises of a better life (more money).. telling the son that when he moves in with dear-ol-satan that he will have money and a car..

imagine the son buying all this - and putting his mom on the street.. you see, the mom has been trying to build a life for the son and her.. sure, she is dirt poor.. she doesn't make a ton of money, and the child support is a necessity for them to make it.. and they were making it.. finally.. how many times did the mom tell the son that it's just him and her? that it's US.. and he would smile and feel safe and loved..

imagine seeing him go anyway - his reasons? he says he wants a change of scenery, and yeah, having money will be nice.. beyond that - nothing.. no other reasons..

imagine a dagger in a mom's heart - see the mom spinning and spiraling, realizing that the days are numbered (satan has given her 2 weeks).. wondering how it might be to live in a car.. dreading having to tell her dad who will for sure look at her with eyes that say: "failure".. having no options but to be dependent on the one person who will for sure drive the mom to breakdown..

imagine a world where your kids choose money over love - almost to the brink, the mom is just wanting to say "fuck it".. and just be lost forever.. how did she raise a son who would make this choice? surely she did something wrong to have raised a son to be so thoughtless and selfish.. the son and her had a solid life going - no more..

imagine it being thanksgiving - wondering how to smile today in front of distant, marriage-related family.. blah.. bah humbug..

Smile, make them think you're happy
Lie, and say that things are fine.
And hide that empty longing that you feel
Don't ever show it, just keep your heart concealed.

Why are the days so lonely?
I wonder where, where can a heart go free?
And who will dry the tears that no one sees?
There must be someone to share your silent dreams.

imagine just getting through the day - hoping tonight will be better.. that tomorrow will bring solutions.. praying to God that there is some saving of all this.. that it won't all just go down the toilet.. that the mom can hang on.. that there will be light..

imagine being thankful anyway for the son - loving him, hurting for him, wanting him here.. praying he will make wise choices in the future..

imagine this being my life right now..