this is dedicated to the One i love...

ok, so this one will be mushy.. i'm just feeling that way today.. it seems like it's been a really hard last month - with insecurities, questions, doubts, sadness, anger, roller coaster emotions.. i hape it, hape it lots..

so today, i've decided to "go back to the beginning" .. to the most wonderful day of a wednesday when we were born on it.. to the day i met the One..

i must admit we didn't meet in a conventional way.. yes, we are baaaaaadddddd people - get over it.. sometimes ya gotta do whatcha gotta do, and we did.. boy howdy, did we! and we've been doin' it ever since..

but back to that night.. it was a wednesday in january 2003.. since we are in dallas, it wasn't that cold.. just a chill in the air.. we had agreed to meet at a restaurant after work for drinks and dinner.. we just wanted to meet after months of yes, CHATTING ONLINE.. **gasp** .. neither of us was looking for a relationship.. if we got some hot sex out of it, cool; otherwise, it would just be nice to put an actual face on each other and have some laughs, and make a new friend.. i think we both already knew we would enjoy meeting at the very least because of all our chats, so it sounded like a good idea..

he got there first, and was there in the waiting area when i walked in.. now, i had already seen a pic or two of him, so i knew he was a cutie.. but Damn! was i surprised when i saw him in the flesh.. WOW! he was even more gorgeous than what the pics had shown.. his smile welcomed me, and let me know that he was liking what he was seeing, too.. we hugged each other and went in and sat at our table..

i don't think there was an awkward silence the whole evening.. we talked about everything.. we are both very pervery, so we even talked about some very taboo subjects.. HE brought it up, even though he says i did.. we didn't even get around to ordering food.. we just had a couple of drinks and some chips and hot sauce.. and tons and tons of eye contact and smiles..

when it was time to leave, he walked me to my car.. and while we were walking outside, he put his arm around me.. you may say "big deal" but for some reason to me, this was the most genuine and comforting gesture i had had in years.. it was as if i had a premonition of his care and protection and dominance over me, even in just that first evening of meeting him..

we stood behind my car, talking, kissing a bit.. the air had gotten a lot colder, so i asked if he would like to sit in my car a moment to say goodnight, and he did.. we kissed more.. i felt what his mouth was like on mine, and i liked it a lot.. i don't know how long we kissed, but we kissed about a million times.. he finally said he really should go, so i reluctantly agreed.. he gave me another sensual kiss, and he left the car..

when i backed my car out of the parking spot just seconds later, i looked back to see him one more time - and he was gone! he disappeared! this was so magical - this stranger i had just met and had connected with on so many, many levels had vanished! a smile came upon my face, and i knew right then that this man was someone very special.. i couldn't wait to see him again..

when i got home, i wrote a poem about the kissing, about his mouth.. here's what i wrote:

.. his mouth was made to kiss ..

not just his lips.. but his whole mouth..

the warmth, no - the HEAT of his mouth, taking me by surprise on that cold winter night.. before knowing his touch, i was chilled through and through, wishing for the sun, the fire..

how was i supposed to know the burning heat would reveal itself to me in his kiss?

his face was on fire.. his cheek was smooth to my touch.. his chin, so soft.. his lips were so full and hot..

god, the way his mouth tasted.. give me more.. let me take your tongue into my mouth.. let me drink you fully..

the way he smelled made me want more.. the way he teased me with small soft kisses, only to plunge deep into me, like his sex will find its way into me.. dont think i missed the imagery.. hot, wet, erect tongue finding its way into my soft wet mouth.. my lips wrapping around his tongue.. my body moving with the kiss, telling him:

YES

wiggle.. wet.. open.. hot.. come inside..

all this because his mouth was made to kiss..

back to present day.. 2 years, 7 months, 18 days later === i find myself more and more in love with him every day.. through the ups and downs, through the highest highs to the lows, through health and sickness, through it all - my God, i love him..

i have to pull myself back and remember who we are - what we are - to each other.. he is my Love, my best friend, my Daddy, my savior, my Tormentor, my Sex God, my Master, my shoulder to cry on - he is my everything.. i will focus on these things, i will trust, i will believe.. i will put myself back together and just rest in his words..

i am letting go of fear.. i am putting doubt away.. i am giving myself to him, and entrusting my whole being to him.. he is the One i have chosen, and thank God he has chosen me, too..

i give him my smiles today.. i give him my trust.. i give him my silly sense of humor, and my kooky ways of expressing myself through nonsense words.. i give him my body.. i give him my mind.. i give him my heart and soul..

treasure and protect them for me, my Love, for they are yours now..

ai shiteruyo zutto ippai ...