out

i am bisexual..

there, that felt good saying that out loud..

i have been loving tits (and other girl parts too) since i was about 19 years old, i guess.. at that time, i was too afraid to let anyone know i had discovered my bisexuality.. i was a "good girl" and feelings like that were best suppressed and forgotten..

case in point: my first girl-girl experience:

i was 21.. newly married (stupid me).. horny for a girl.. and there was a hot girl, 19yrs old, who i had known for several years.. this girl was hot.. long dark hair, latina, sexy smile, hot body.. and damn she was a tease! she would go out with my husband and i to see "rocky horror picture show" every saturday night.. she spent time with us at our apartment, too.. she and i were oblivious to my husband.. sometimes after a fun night of dinner, movie, whatever - we would come back to our place and she and i would sit on the floor and cover ourselves from the top of our heads down to our toes with a blanket, and sit there are just look at each other, not saying a word.. FUCK i wanted her! we never did anything physical, but you could cut the sexual tension with a hot sharp knife (mmm, that will be another post.. sighhhhhhhh).. finally after weeks of wanting to ravage this girl with my tongue, i got her to lay down in bed between my husband and me.. and we laid there talking.. and when he got up and left the room, i made my move.. i was scared to death, but i wanted her more than i was afaid.. so i reached over to her and pulled her close, and i kissed her.. i was on fire for her.. her skin was so soft.. but guess what?? she freaked!! she told me she wasn't into girls (huh?? what??) and that she didn't want to do that..

arggggggggggggg!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (as the newly changed darth vadar says at the end of the sith movie)..

wah wahhhhhhhh (sad trumpet signalling i'm an "L7 Wieeeeeeeeeeneeeeeeeeee")

lesson learned.. learned fucking well, mind you: do NOT kiss a girl..

years pass.. men are intriguing and hot to me.. the girl thing gets pushed down.. i don't even really look at girls.. much.. yes, i fantasize about being used by a very strict girlfriend while i masturbate, but all those thoughts and desires are very private.. even the hubby (who i am now divorced from.. YES!!!) thinks i am disgusting for expressing my bisexual desires to him..

so i wait.. and wait..

the year 2000 comes.. and i wake up from the coma and slow death which is my life, and i tell myself i don't wanna wake up and find i am 80 years old, and all i can say about my life is WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?? so i get up from my cold dead bed, and i decide to change my life.. to take it by the um.. horns.. and to make it what i want it to be..

that was the year of my first "real" girl experience.. they say you never forget your first time, and it's the truth.. i know i won't forget mine.. it was her first time with a girl, too..

she was about my age.. a little smaller shape-wise than me.. she was pretty, but not a super-model.. she was perfeck for me.. she was so fucking hot.. she WANTED me.. we were both on fire to taste each other.. it took forever to get started, because we were both so nervous.. i'm not kidding - probably 3 hours of talking and flirting.. just like when i was 21, i made the first move.. i was so scared.. i was sitting next to her on the sofa, and i reached out and held her hand, and i looked in her eyes for my fate, and she said "it's okay" (sweetest words i had ever heard up to that point in my life), and i moved into her, and i kissed her so softly and slowly and so deeply.. the kiss lasted a lifetime, and i was in heaven.. i didn't realize girls were so soft to kiss.. her face was so smooth and hot.. our hands were all over each other's bodies.. we finally made our way into the bedroom, and we made out all night.. i'm sure you can use your imagination to fill in the details - believe me, we did everything.. twice.. three times.. ;)

that was the only time i ever saw her.. (i was in another state at the time, and we had a chance meeting).. i have had several other women lovers since.. some for the night, some for longer.. every time a very good experience.. maybe some day i will write about those experiences.. but for now, i wanna sit back and think about that first girl, and feel my body get hot, and remember there was no shame.. only her, only me.. only the feel of two bodies coming (ok - for the guys: cumming) together for the first time.. knowing who the fuck i am..

mmmmmmm... yummy...