the cheshire cat and allison wonderland

yes, you read it right.. it's been a long, long time since i have written anything.. shame on me.. but i had to write this down tonight..

it's funny how quickly life passes by.. this hit me really hard a couple of nights ago when Doug and i were driving home, and he pointed out the sliver of the moon up in the sky..

i had already seen it, and was already a million miles (million years) away..

you see, when my oldest son, who is now 23, was just a teeny kid, he said something that has stuck in my mommy memory for all these years.. we were outside one night about 20 years ago, and he said, "look, mom! it's the cheshire cat!!" i looked up, and wow, there it was - the moon was shaped like the cheshire cat's grin.. i had never in my life seen it like that until my little boy pointed it out to me.. it's amazing how kids can see wonder in the most mundane things.. i had only always seen the moon up in the sky, but josh pointed out something curiouser and curiouser to me..

as for allison... well when my youngest son, who is now 18, was prolly bout 3 years old too, he had a funny way of pronouncing words.. again, things that are stuck in my mommy memory.. he always talked about "fozzie moto", about going to "many evil times" for a fun outing, about "pliget" from winnie the pooh, and about "allison wonderland".. he also made his forehead and eyes look like frankenstein when he was upset, and i always called him on it and made him laugh.. silly words, silly faces - all part of his growing up, and a part of me i will always cherish..

here we are now in 2008.. and my oldest son is on his own, with his own life, job, friends, apartment.. and my youngest son is about to graduate from high school and on his way to texas a&m to pursue his dream of eventually being in the air force.. and then there's me.. missing my kids with such a burning fire in my chest, that i can feel it consume me and threaten to lay me to waste..

when did they grow up? when did they become such grown men, with ambitions and dreams of their own? do they even need me anymore?

i miss the cheshire cat and allison wonderland being real parts of our lives... perhaps that is why my right arm is dedicated to a full sleeved tattoo depicting characters from alice in wonderland (granted, with my own warped interpretation - but dedicated to both of my amazing kids who spark imagination and fancy in me even now)... all i can do now is to thank them for giving me such amazing memories, and to just keep on loving them with all my heart..

josh, chris: i love you both