halloween safety tips!
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster,
NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as
a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power
has gone out. If the breakers are in the basement, go
to another house.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other
language which they should not know, shoot them
immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the
long run. However, it will probably take several
rounds to kill one, so be prepared. This instruction
also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's
voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair
off and split up.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open
portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or
crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead
as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a
loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET
THE HELL OUT.
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not
check for short circuits. Just get out.
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's
probably a good reason for it. Do not stop and look
around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology. Even
if you're sure you know what you're doing. Especially
if you're sure you know what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip
or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite
the fact that you are running and the monster is
merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough
to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit
uncharacteristic behavior, such as hissing,
fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing
hairiness,and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations,
some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street,
Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you
recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any
small town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely
road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house
to phone for help. If you think that it's at all
strange because you thought you had half a tank of
gas, shoot yourself instead - You are going to die
anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. If you find that your house is built upon a
cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws.
This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants
who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had
inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.
NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as
a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power
has gone out. If the breakers are in the basement, go
to another house.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other
language which they should not know, shoot them
immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the
long run. However, it will probably take several
rounds to kill one, so be prepared. This instruction
also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's
voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair
off and split up.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open
portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or
crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead
as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a
loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET
THE HELL OUT.
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not
check for short circuits. Just get out.
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's
probably a good reason for it. Do not stop and look
around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology. Even
if you're sure you know what you're doing. Especially
if you're sure you know what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip
or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite
the fact that you are running and the monster is
merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough
to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit
uncharacteristic behavior, such as hissing,
fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing
hairiness,and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations,
some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street,
Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you
recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any
small town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely
road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house
to phone for help. If you think that it's at all
strange because you thought you had half a tank of
gas, shoot yourself instead - You are going to die
anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. If you find that your house is built upon a
cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws.
This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants
who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had
inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.
posted by texsinger @ 8:56 AM
1 comments
