to my sons:

i'm not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didn't do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you

i'm sorry that i hurt you, it's something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears, that's why i need you to hear

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i've found a reason to show a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that i do, and the reason is you

to my Love:

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign, pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

I think about the years I spent, just passin' through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand, you've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan, that is comin' true

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Yeah

Now I'm just rollin' home into my lovers arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

another gem from kelly...

betch, watch this video!

(and check out who the tattoo artist is)

another year..

how can it be another year that you have been gone? how is it that the world still turns without you? that the sun shines, the moon glows? it is so hard to think that life goes on while you aren't here.. and i can't believe it has been five years since you left..

It don't matter to the sun
If you go or if you stay
I know the sun is gonna rise
Shine down on another day
There will still be a tomorrow
Even if you choose to leave
cause it don't matter to the sun
It matters to me

It ain't gonna stop the world
If you walk out that door
This old world will just keep on turning round
Like it did the day before
cause see to them it makes no difference
It just keeps on keepin' time
cause it ain't gonna stop the world
But it'll be the end of mine

What can I say
What can I do
I'm still in love
So without you...

It don't matter the moon
If your not in my life
No, the moon will just keep hangin' round
Like it's just another night
Find another place to shine on down
On some other lover's dreams
cause it don't matter the moon
But it sure does matter to me



i miss you, mom... every.. day.......

one more for the road..

last night was the start of the end.. it was my youngest son's first football game of his senior year in high school.. he is on the bass line for SHS..

there's about a million mixed emotions i have about it.. i am surprised that he (i) can be old enough to be beginning a final year in high school.. i am sad cause used to be there would be lots of family and friends around me at the games, and now it's not like that.. i am excited to see chris perform - he is the bass line section leader, and so talented.. i am reminiscent of days gone by when my older son marched, and it makes me feel a sense of loss because i hardly ever see him anymore.. i feel pain because my mom should be sitting with me at the game, and she isn't.. but mostly i feel pride when i see my son working so hard to be the best he can be, and then when i see the fruits of all his labors, i am full of love for him..

last night, sitting in the mckinney isd stadium, surrounded by hundreds of fans, i realized how alone i was there.. i miss my mom at these events.. she would go to every single one of my kids' games, along with my dad.. every one.. and we would sit together, never watching the football, mind you - just the band.. but sitting there talking about our week, laughing, eating peanuts or popcorn, being best friends..

since she died on sept 16 2002, i have basically gone to my kids' events alone.. there are times when family comes out, for sure.. but i know everyone has their own stuff going, and i know it's hard to make it to every event.. i just miss the times when there were people with me there all the time - my parents, friends (parents of my sons' friends), my younger son with me in the stands..

my parents were such a huge part of football season, and although my dad will probably come to a few of the games, it isn't the same.. he usually complains the whole time he is there, and it sorta makes it stressful for me.. but it's mom i miss most.. my girl.. my friend.. my mom..

last night, when i left after half time, i was so proud of my son (like always, really).. and it made me feel good for him, because he has so many friends, and he has so much ahead of him - he is at a beginning.. he is a bright son, and i couldn't ask for more in a kiddo.. he has grown up so much since mom died, and he has gotten so much stronger, and more determined than ever to make himself into what he wants to be as a man.. that's good..

it's good, too, that there are still many, many games ahead.. and i still have those ahead of me.. i really don't wanna see marching season go away.. been doing it since josh was in middle school (and he is 22 now)... but i am taking lots of pics, and thank goodness my son is so good about ol' mom hanging around taking pics.. and i have my memories of days gone by being surrounded at the games with laughter and support.. and i know there will be games when i am not alone, too.. and that's a good thing..

next week, they play in frisco.. then in a couple of weeks, the normal season starts, and they will be back in the garland area.. to the stadiums i have spent years going to.. and it will be exciting to see their show improve and form into an award-winning half time.. i will be proud to be there every week.. full of memories, and full of hope for the future..

go mustangs!

go kiddo!