fuckin' wah

to any of my friends who may read this, please excuse this sad little pity-fest i have written here, and just go on with what you were doing - don't even bother to read - this is just me venting - and being pissed off at no one but ME..

pay no attention to the man behind this comfortless curtain, please..

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ever been at a place where it's so hard to breathe that you think you might just have only one breath left, and even that one is about gone? that's where i am..

i am thinking back on my life, and realizing what an arrogant fool i have been.. surely nothing could touch me - not ME, the queen of all i see.. such a stupid fool.. i knew everything, and decided everything, and made everything that now befalls upon me truly a product of my own doing.. a motherfuckin' speeding freight train of my own medicine is speeding its way towards me, and i am like a dear (and no, i didn't mispell 'deer' here) caught in headlights, and lord don't i just look hilarious now?

slam the latest metallica offering if you will, but oh my god, did james hit it on the head when he wrote: "my lifestyle determines my death style".. no truer words were ever written.. and even though i am not facing death at this moment, i do realize every day is one day closer.. and i have been a great enabler..

and i have let myself down.. and my kids.. and my Man.. and my family.. and and and.. and i guess since i have in the past had no regard at all for myself, life is gonna have a little fun with me now, and i tell ya, "Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out"...

gee, thanks for the 'help', but i am doing just chippies with this - you just sit this one out, life.. i tell ya, i have ESP on this one so just sit the fuck down..





god, i need meds, don't i?




shut up, traci, and smile, make 'em think you're happy..

: ) .......... there - better?