a first for me...

today, i experienced something i have never experienced EVER in my life: i was told (along with all my co-workers) that my office lost our account's business, and very soon i will be out of a job..

i have been here almost 12 years, working on the same account.. my co-workers have almost all been here at least that long on the same account.. we have been together through ups and downs..

let me interject here by saying we have been on the 'chopping block' waiting for news of our fate for most of this year.. it is the first time in our 19 year relationship with our client that the business went out for bidding.. so when we found out late last year that this was a possibility, we were a bit shocked.. but confident that our client would see how hard we bust our collective asses at making their account very successful.. so in the last couple of months when it started becoming more and more clear that the relationship was in jeopardy, it started sinking in, and a quasi disbelief hung over us.. SURELY they would realize they aren't gonna find the same quality and experience somewhere else.. SURELY they would see how fucking dedicated we all have been for so many, many years.. SURELY..

and you know what? it all boiled down to the almighty fucking dollar.. the client didn't opt for experience or loyalty or dedication or knowledge or bust-assitude..

nope..

they looked at the bottom line, and went with our competitor because DING DING DING - the price was right..

so let's tell em what they've won, johnny!! an agency who has not ONE FUCKING CLUE at what it takes to make this account SING.. i honestly wish i could be a fly on the wall when this agency realizes what it takes to make this client happy.. and i wanna see the client's face when they realize that they are sooooooo DEE-DA-DEEEEEEEE by choosing this other agency..

you know, another thing: it's sorta sad the way we were told..

-our boss's boss was not here to tell us.. she apparently is soooooo distraught over the loss.. and what it's gonna do to all of US... HA!

-we were not taken into a private conference room where we could hear in private.. we were told ON THE FLOOR in a huddle where other accounts could watch our faces go from hope to hard, cold reality.. other people were actually standing and watching..

-we were given the bad news, then the old "ok, let's get back to work" speech.. about how we need to go out in style.. to show our integrity..

-AND my supervisor co-ink-a-dentally is going on vacation starting tomorrow and through next week... PUSSY!!

i honestly am very numb right now.. i don't know which emotion is stronger: sadness or anger..

i just wanna go home, and be with the one i love.. hoping he will be there for me when i get home, so i can vent, maybe cry, sit in his arms and hear his soothing voice, have some dinner together and know that i do belong somewhere..

be together so i don't have to think tonight about what i will have to think about tomorrow..

corporate bullshit makes me sick...